- By Zach Belinsky
- September 9, 2014
- Comments Off on Hat Gods: A Top 7
I am by no means a religious scholar and some Gods shown below may not even be Gods; they may be prophets or even men. I believe all the winners below have been accepted as Gods or at least holy at some point in history by some culture. It is not meant to imply that anyone’s beliefs are right or wrong; it is about the study or portrayal of the Gods…and their hats. Disclaimer complete, let’s rock and roll.
7. God: No Hat
I could not find an image of God wearing a hat but I posit that it does not matter. God is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. He is everything to everyone. So, why can’t God be in our headwear? Hats keep us warm in the winter and protect us from the sun in the summer. Certainly the well-known Judeo-Christian God ascribed to by billions is worthy of hatliness even if he does not sport one himself.
6. King Tut: Burial Mask
King Tutankhamen is the most famous pharaoh in the world today not for what he did during his reign but because his tomb was discovered and excavated, completely intact, in the early 1920’s. Before that, tomb raiders (not played by Angelina Jolie) plundered Egyptian tombs, finding them before archeologists. Indiana Jones is an example of the blurred line between tomb raider and archeologist; he did not always using the best methods to unearth ruins. But why does this make King Tut a God and not a man? “As supreme ruler of the people, the pharaoh was considered a god on earth, the intermediary between the gods and the people, and when he died, he was thought to become Osiris, the god of the dead.” King Tut, therefore was considered a God during his life and after his death. The ancient Egyptians beliefs help elevate King Tut’s burial mask to the number six best God hat.
5. Ares: Soldier Hat
Ares is the Greek God of war. Ares can be found wearing his soldier hat in most statues and art or of his likeness. The plume atop the hat was made from horse hair and dyed red to instill blood red fear into the minds of the enemies. This would have been worn by officers, or in this case a God, when marching into battle. Ares may not have worn the red plume, however, because this ritual was more Roman than Greek. Greeks primarily wore a tan plume because they felt it made them more imposing on the field of battle.
4. Jesus: Crown of Thorns
Jesus’s crown of thorns was an “instrument of used in events leading up to Jesus’s crucifixion.” It was used to “cause him pain and mock his claim to authority.”  That is, Jesus, in the New Testament, is referred to as King of the Jews  and the crown of thorns was a non-humorous yet ironic substitute for a crown that a king would typically wear. Regardless of one’s current view of Jesus, during his natural life he led by example helping the sick and poor to the day he was crucified. According the bible, he then resurrected thus achieving the status of God and qualifying for this list.
3. Muhammad: Turban
To tell the truth, I know even less about the prophet Muhammad than others mentioned in this post. I think he is technically a prophet and not a God. His visions and teachings inspired the religion of Islam which has billions of followers today. Today, followers of Islam wear the head piece to “emulate the prophet Muhammad who was believed to wear either a black or white turban.” In Islam it is more than just tradition to wear a turban it is “Sunnah Mu’akkadah.”  Regardless of whether he is a prophet or a God, I have no doubt he belongs on this list.
2. Vishnu: Crown
“Lord Vishnu’s crown represents the highest and most incomprehensible reality.”  The list of what Lord Vishnu himself represents, however, is too long to fit in this blog. Importantly, though, Lord Vishnu is said to overcome all and is said to live in the hearts of all living beings.  The expansive symbolism associated with this God make him number two on this list; thus, he overcomes all except the top of this list.
1.Thor: Winged Helmet
If you failed to predict Thor’s winged helmet as number 1 then you probably weren’t trying to predict a winner. Thor has made many appearances in the modern era form the 1980 kid’s comedy Adventures in Babysitting to his recent role in the Avengers franchise. Hammer aside, Thor is possibly the only God known better for his hat than his Godly ability. One of Thor’s greatest abilities is to blight an otherwise entertaining comic book movie franchise. Thor’s modern movies are by far the worst of the Avengers series; in fact so boring that despite having seen them I do not know what Thor’s abilities truly are.
 Confirmed Tradition.
About the author
Zach's first job at The Village Hat Shop was scraping gum off the floor at the Brick and Mortar stores when he was 5 years old.